I wasn’t quite sure about how I would have time to do all of those things I had plans to do. The semester was almost over, and I knew it might be the last time I saw him.
My desire for him had been thriving for at least a year when I finally released I had to do something about my love-struck. It was never my intention to make him feel bad about not responding, neither force him to do somthing he didn’t wanted to. I knew he had a girlfriend. I had been thinking about her a lot. If she really appreciaded him like i would do? Would they broke up if he knew how i felt, or did he really love her...? You could pretty much say I had been thinking of all the possibilites, exept for what really happened…
I would be wrong to say it was a beautiful night when it wasn’t. the raindrops fell lightly from the big oak above us, and the grass under our blankets were wet as an old towel. But it didn’t matter. The night was young, happiness was in the air and the plastic mugs filled with bootleg in the cloud of cigar and cigarette smoke. It was the last night of our ten year journey as clasmates. No weather could ruin that.
The hours went by. People were drinking, but i didn’t. Somehow, it felt wrong. The sky got darker and darker until you hardly could see the blue in the sky. I had no idea what time was, but we were standing in a lump of people, gabbling about somthing not very intressting when you were the only one sober. I felt a hand on my shoulder and before i knew what was going on i was taking a walk with the love of my life. he wanted to talk to me.
We walked for a long time. the road seemed to never end, and something in his eyes gave me power to walk for the rest of my living life. even though i was jittery, i was somehow able to remain calm in front of him. we talked like we’d never done anything else, and i felt he really trusted me, as he told me his secrets. i felt it was the perfect moment to do the same. now or never.
”I love you”. I avoid his eyes, but I felt he looked at me. ”i’ve been loving you for a year... i just haven't had the chance to tell you.” he bacame slightly silent, but we kept walking. then he stopped. i stopped. he kissed me.
it was under a lightpole, one a gravel path in the forrest. my phone rang, but i didn’t felt like answer, and it felt like in a movie. a fantastic movie scene. so simple. no bunch of flowers och chocolate could ever give me so much joy as i felt in that moment. i was surprised, amazed and a bit shocked, at the same time i didn’t knew what to do. it was totaly undescriable. but somehow i got a little bit of emotional, for some reason. sure, i was over the sky happy. but my morals were screaming. all i could think about was his girlfriend. it was somehow, in that moment, more inappropiate then lovely. i lightly pushed him away from me, as i felt he tried to continue the kiss. my phone rang again, and i anwered. it was a couple of my friends that didn’t knew where i’ve gotten, and they couldn’t find me. i looked at him, and we both decided to go back. i tried really hard to not giggle as we walked back. i knew it could ruin everything.
back at the oak i huged the people around me, said goodbye and wished and beged to god he would tell his friend what had happened. i wanted everybody to know, except of course his girlfriend..
back home i thuoght about it. i was very cautious to not tell my friends too much, at the same time i couldn’t decline their questions. i refused to think i was love-struck, even though i really was. but i didn’t waned to be persistent, not when we'd just had our first kiss. Ticked off the list...
